Funny

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.

Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut

If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.

In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them.

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.

The dog is very smart. He feels sorry for me because I receive so much mail; that’s why he tries to bite the mailman.

The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency.

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.

Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.